We Sit Down with Phobos and Deimos to Address Recent Allegations

It's 2:55PM, and these moons are long past late for their breakfast interview when they stumble into the Popeyes and take a seat at my table. They look an absolute mess, but that is neither here nor there. Phobos turns to me.

Stock Photo of the Two Disappointments, since our photographer had an event booked for 3pm.
PHOBOS: let's get on with it then, Smash Ultimate just came out.

MOONSPLAIN: Fair point indeed. So what's it like orbiting Mars?

DEIMOS: Can't complain.

PHOBOS: Can I also say that?

MOONSPLAIN: Sure, I guess yeah.

DEIMOS: Typical.

PHOBOS: The **** you say?

DEIMOS: Why, so you can parrot it? What did Father always call you again?

PHOBOS: Brother, you promised.

Deimos nods, purses his lips.

MOONSPLAIN: Aight, wait do either of you want anything to eat?

We pause for chicken. Deimos barely touches his, Phobos eats more, but it extremely cautious around the bones and leaves like a centimeter radius of meat all around them.

DEIMOS: Sorry got important Mars stuff going on gotta bounce.[vanishes]

PHOBOS: I can stay.   

MOONSPLAIN (packing up): No, that's fine do what you gotta do--

At this point, I was interrupted by the barrel of a 1911 against the back of my skull.

DEIMOS: Ok so listen here. You're coming with us.

MOONSPLAIN: Alright, this is getting a bit Vice News but alright, it'll make for good content.

To be continued.

-Morton J. Wharton, Senior Lunar Communer, moonsplain.com